Diagnosing Ones Level Of Pain
Until you have lost a child yourself- you cannot attempt to diagnose the level of pain we feel.
On 4-23-2022 I went downtown and gave a speech- for OREGON RECOVERS. I brought my son’s URN with me. It was meant as a subliminal message- to share the vision and finality of the loss of my only child. I bravely stood there talking about how Addiction affected my own family. My brother, my son, and my nephew, all three died within a three-year period. 2012-2015.
I loved watching the children at the rally scurry around behind their loving parents. Ava Vezina, the precious daughter of Tony Vezina from 4th Dimension, and her step mommy Rachel. Ryker is the cutest young boy, the son of Rebecca Rasco, from Oregon Recovers. But—- I was also envious- my heart twanged- as I longed to relive those moments when my son Christopher was a young boy free from a Substance Use Disorder. I could feel my heart actually hurting in my chest cavity.
I made it through my 3-minute speech. When I got home is when I fell apart. I lay in my bed in a fetal position attempting to comfort my level of pain. Ten years later it still ebbs and flows- but never leaves me.
I am thankful for two special ladies I have met this year. Michele Lee Stroh, Keaton’s mom, and Jennifer Epstein, Cals mom. I am thankful for those moments when I can express my gut wrenching pain- with no judgment- with no need to silence my cries. Both of their sons died tragically from a fentanyl pill. Awareness and the need to spread the truth is imperative. We are losing our children in record numbers.
What I love about us three- is our willingness to fight- to ensure that your child does not die. What I hate is the unending, unrelenting pain, some days we have to hide behind. We have the loss of our three sons in common. May you never ever have to personally understand the depth of our pain, or enter into this group of mothers who have lost their sons.
I do not celebrate Mothers Day- it’s too hurtful—
I am NOT just another mother, I am a mother that will continue to help keep your child alive. Please carry Narcan.
Gail Strobehn-Simmons
